Choosing the right psychologist
Choosing the right psychologist can feel like a daunting task to many. Making sense of titles, experience and areas of interest can be overwhelming and this is all before you get to a potential waitlist and get a referral from a GP.
Something that I talk to many new clients about is the importance of the therapeutic relationship. This is the relationship between a clinician and the client. Research over the years has demonstrated time and time again that this is more importance than style of therapy used.
This therapeutic relationship, the feeling of being psychologically safe and emotionally held and validated counts far more than the impressive list of qualifications. This means that despite best efforts to choosing the right person on paper, sometimes it is something that you remain unsure of until after the first few sessions. It is important to ask yourself – “does this person make me feel heard? Do I feel understood? Does their style fit for me?” If the answers to these questions are a yes - you are heading in the right direction.
Therapy can be hard and uncomfortable at times, and it is the feeling of being held in this relationship that can help clients be willing to explore the deeper issues and with support get their lives heading in a direction that feels right for them. If when you ask those questions, the answer is “I am not sure” or “no”, it is important to address this with your psychologist.
I know this is not easy as it can feel rude or judgmental, as most of us have a people pleasing part of us that is alive and well. However, I am sure all of us can recall a time in a hairdressers holding back tears, yet smiling and saying thank you on the way out... I know I have 😊 As a psychologist I try and make it as easy as possible for clients to have this conversation I ask them explicitly how the session went, whether they felt comfortable, hoping that this makes it easier to be courageous to have a difficult conversation if needed. I also offer to help clients find the psychologist with the right fit when I can.
Therapy is a process and a relationship – it’s important that everyone finds the right fit for them!
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May 2026
Self-compassion – what is it and how do I get some?
I talk a lot with clients about self-compassion.
It’s the ability to be kind to yourself during times of distress, stress, or imperfection, rather than being harsh or critical. It’s recognising that being human means we are sometimes vulnerable, make mistakes, and fall short.
This is different from self-care, although the two can overlap. Self-care is valuable and helps us create space for ourselves and our needs. Self-compassion goes deeper, reaching into our inner world and helping to quiet the inner critic that can often be loud, harsh, and unforgiving. Compassion is something many of us are good at showing others.
We can recognise what is within someone else’s capacity, understand when they are struggling, and offer grace when they cannot meet expectations. Doing this for ourselves is often much harder, especially when the “shoulds” begin to take over: “I should be able to manage this,” “I should be coping better,” “I should be able to do XYZ.”
Self-compassion is giving yourself permission to be exactly as you are in this moment. It can look like setting boundaries with others, noticing what you already do well, practising intentional positive self-talk, and letting go of unrealistic expectations.
It is also asking for help when you need it. The impacts of self-compassion can be far-reaching. It creates space for growth after mistakes, helps us become curious about why things happened, and allows us to validate how we are feeling. Most importantly for many people, it helps quiet the inner critic that is constantly criticising, shaming, or moving the goalposts.
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June 2026